Trapped in a place where I’m the only one that can hear the screaming. Oh wait, that’s me

I know there are other people out there living in similar situations, with partners who are struggling with their mental health, which in turn causes struggles with your mental health, ad infinitim.

It’s tough to be at the receiving end of the vitriol. Unnecessary, unfounded vitriol. I don’t know what I do to deserve to be treated like I’m the most horrible person in the universe. Yes, my behavior can be frustrating at times. Does that warrant nastiness? Or maybe I’ve just been doing it wrong all these years, maybe my response to frustrating situations should be to double down and be a righteous dick.

I’m trying to think of situations where I’ve been frustrated and just lashed out at the person in front of me. I think it’s been years, and the last person I behaved that way with was someone for whom I lost respect. Maybe that’s what I’m feeling, a loss of respect towards me. I wonder what I did to deserve that. I know there’s resentment, that’s been obvious for a while. I have “power”, so to speak. We are in an imbalance, and it doesn’t help the situation.

I’m just tired of holding the sadness in. So, I’ll be over here screaming into the void.